Get a FREE copy of Five Mistakes (Almost) Every Writer Makes: GRAB YOUR COPY

Get Free Email Updates

Get fresh content delivered for FREE straight to your inbox

Home » Life as It is

8 Tips To Deal With Being Taken For Granted Feeling



39 Comments

Someone once said “Never take someone for granted, hold every person close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you have lost true diamond while you were too busy collecting stones“.

Every once in a while we all are taken for granted. We might not notice and we might not care, especially when it is done by people close to us: family, friends. But when it happens on a regular basis it hurts badly.

Can you change it? Yes, you can.

Do you want to change it? That’s up to you.

Sometimes it is wise to let people take you for granted. Sometimes it is what you want or what you need. Sometimes it is even what you love. But then sometimes things you love turn into things that hurt you. Then a moment comes when you have to act.

How to know when you are being taken for granted?

  • You always are there to offer your help, yet when last time you were the one in need everyone you called up was busy.
  • Your friends won’t return any favor. Ever.
  • You listen to people’s problems but there is nobody to listen to yours.
  • Your efforts don’t get even a simple thanks.
  • No matter how much you contribute people always want you to do more. Extra pay? Some appreciation? You are funny, really!
  • You feel not cared enough for, not loved enough, ignored, neglected.
  • People assume you will always be there and each time you are not is taken as a personal offense.
  • You notice that people forget to tell you things that matter.
  • People don’t care what you do unless they need you to do something for them.

dont-take-me-for-granted

You said YES to more than 3 points in the list? That’s a warning sign. Maybe you should think about making yourself noticed and listened to.

What you can do about being taken for granted?

  1. Do not panic and do not make assumptions
    It might all have a very logical explanation. If you freak out and get mad for no reason it will make things only worse.
  2. Talk about it
    Don’t hold it in. But don’t sound accusing or blaming. Just talk. The relationships begin to die when we stop talking about things that matter.
  3. Stop being nice all the time
    You are human. You have emotions. You can get mad, you can be sad, you can be upset. If people know how you feel they won’t take it for granted.
  4. Learn to say ‘no’
    As hard as it seems it is still possible. Give it a try. Start with smaller things. People will take you for granted only as long as you let them. Saying ‘no’ is the first step on the road of not letting them do it.
  5. Do not compromise with your self-respect
    Ever. You are better than this.
  6. Question your motives
    Don’t expect praise and appreciation. You do things for yourself because you like helping people out, not because you want them to help you later. Or don’t you?
  7. Treat people as you want to be treated
    Old cliché, maybe, but it does work. Before blaming someone for taking you for granted, see if you do it the same way.
  8. Stand your ground and draw boundaries
    You are a good person. You are a good friend. You know that. They know that. Now it’s time to be strong for yourself.

When you say ‘no’ to someone the world won’t turn upside down. It will be at the exact same place. You should realize that whatever is meant to happen will happen. Good or bad.

You can’t run around giving people second and third chances. You can’t let them take advantage of you. You can’t be there for them always even when they let you down all the time.

Relationships are always worth fighting for but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. Sometimes, people need to fight for you.

Here are a few books on the subject that you might find helpful.

1. The Seven Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make by Carolyn N. Bushong

2. When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith

3.  The Power of a Positive No: Save The Deal Save The Relationship and Still Say No by William Ury

4. The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused — and Start Standing Up for Yourself by Beverly Engel

5. Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes by Duke Robinson

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Lena Toporikova
The owner, writer and editor of Colors of My Soul. I love that small island of creativity in the large ocean of Internet. And I truly believe we can touch another soul with rightly chosen words.

Loved the article? Read other posts by Lena Toporikova


      
  • http://expressionssss.blogspot.com Akanksha

    Good post! Can come as an eye-opener to many!

    Keep writing dear.Tk cr
    .-= Akanksha´s last blog ..Missing You.. =-.

  • http://sachi-stayingalive.blogspot.com/ Sach!

    :) I am fwding this to a good friend. Hope she undrstands…
    Thanks!

  • http://firesidemoments.blogspot.com/ Anahid

    It took me a while to learn to say no, but it is a freeing thing to be able to say no every now & then. Great post!
    .-= Anahid´s last blog ..Facebook Etiquette =-.

  • http://hopesbreath.blogspot.com/ Beth Chapman

    We cannot save the world if we don’t save ourselves. Lifeguards learn this as lesson number one. Perhaps we allow ourselves to get run over, taken for granted because that is what we do to ourselves. Maybe if we learned to say thank you to ourselves first, to ask what do we need, then the ten rules would flow naturally? Great post, thank you.
    .-= Beth Chapman´s last blog ..Sleeping and Living Past the Snooze =-.

    • queenie

      very nice. i have realized how much i was so giving that people tend to take advantage of my kindness and most of the time i forget what will arise after helping them..will it do me good or not..

  • http://www.sureindran.blogspot.com/ Sureindran

    thanks for posting this tips. very useful.
    .-= Sureindran´s last blog ..what if =-.

  • http://sweepyjean.wordpress.com Sweepy Jean

    Great post! I think this is very good advice to look at our own behavior and maybe to alter our outlook. Probably how people treat us depends on how we present ourselves to others.
    .-= Sweepy Jean´s last blog ..This Is Not a Diary =-.

  • http://www.criminalmovies.blogspot.com Brent Allard

    I like this a lot. It’s helpful once in a while to remind people that even though you’re always there for them, that you do this by choice not obligation. Some really good points here. Yes, you do need to say no once in awhile.
    .-= Brent Allard´s last blog ..Midnight Express =-.

  • http://www.worksformehomemaking.wordpress.com Julie

    Yep, learning to say ‘no’ is a hard lesson but an important one to learn. I still struggle with this, but am getting better. I started out practicing on saying ‘no’ to phone and door-to-door salespeople!
    .-= Julie´s last blog ..The “Good” Wife =-.

  • http://calmingreflections.blogspot.com/ Bernadine

    I agree that this is a very good post. This is something that I seem to struggle with quite a bit as I am one of those “too nice” type of people. You are so right on the tips that you gave on what you can do and they are certainly things that we need to remind ourselves of daily. It’s not difficult to recognize when it happens with the same person over and over again.

    What I have a hard time with is that I feel like just because ‘so-and-so’ took me (or my help) for granted, doesn’t mean that the next person will. I realize that is somewhat naive, but I also don’t want to close myself off if there is somebody in need that I might be able to help (and I don’t just because of something that somebody else did)

    It’s a tough balance for me, and I guess I still need to use good judgment, not always be so nice, and follow the other very helpful tips that you gave.

    Great post
    .-= Bernadine´s last blog ..Beneath the Surface =-.

  • http://journeytojoy-timberwolf123.blogspot.com Bill

    Interesting post, I find that if you let go of expectations from others & come from a place of love always you’re rarely taken for granted. Many times the feelings we feel are based on our EGO’s & if we actually let go of the need for things & connect to our soul we can transcend the EGO & move to a place of love.

    Hugs,

    Bill
    .-= Bill´s last blog ..Malaise =-.

  • http://www.destinychildosheen.blogspot.com Rajlakshmi

    that is really a helpful and wonderful post… I guess a lot of people would have felt a lot better after reading it :)

  • Pingback: Dodgeblogium » CPACing home… BoMS

  • cancer40

    you made me cry. i have this problem that i feel like im always taken for granted. i want to be strong, i dont want to waste my time thinking WHY, WHY, what have i done? your site is really helpful and wonderful. thank you so much. i feel like i found a friend, who will understand me, and teach me, to become a stronger and better person. more power to you and hope to continue your good work.

  • Pingback: Dodgeblogium » No power BoMS

  • Pingback: Dodgeblogium » BoMS Hurt

  • Pingback: Personal Development and well being Carnival Mar 2010 | KARTHIK RAJ G

  • Sarah

    What is consumption in number 1… Do not panic and do not make consumptions? I do not understand. Shouldn’t it be ASSUMPTIONS?!??

  • Priyanka

    thanks a lot for these words of wisdom…………im sure after going through this i will be able to take a stand for myself amongst my family n friends without sounding rude…..have promised myself now tht will not let anybdy take me for granted now….thanks again

  • Kyle

    Strength lies not in the muscles and bones but in the heart and the mind.

    …Being taken for granted is hard to deal with, but the only option is not only to become accustom to the word “no”. Being kind and willing to help others is a great characteristic of many which is agreed to bring self-hurt in the end. A way to solve this problem is to remind people that you will always be looking out for them, if the world looks after you. You need to let people know that the gift that keeps on giving is fed by the respect of each receiver and a knowledge of ability to rest from time to time. Do not feel that you have to let a friend down

  • karthik

    thanks a lot ! i have been facing this through out my college life. I love helping others and i dont want them to say thanks or anything else but the only thing that makes me sad is that when sometimes when i m not up to the mark or may not be able to help them,they take it as an offence . If I try to help a person, from 10 times,2 times the work may not be done. But the other person don’t realize the rest of the 8 times i have done favor for him. He only emphasize on the 2 times the work undone ! this is a very nice post that i read. And i know it will help me to surely !