8 Tips To Deal With Being Taken For Granted Feeling
Someone once said “Never take someone for granted, hold every person close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you have lost true diamond while you were too busy collecting stones“.
Every once in a while we all are taken for granted. We might not notice and we might not care, especially when it is done by people close to us: family, friends. But when it happens on a regular basis it hurts badly.
Can you change it? Yes, you can.
Do you want to change it? That’s up to you.
Sometimes it is wise to let people take you for granted. Sometimes it is what you want or what you need. Sometimes it is even what you love. But then sometimes things you love turn into things that hurt you. Then a moment comes when you have to act.
How to know when you are being taken for granted?
- You always are there to offer your help, yet when last time you were the one in need everyone you called up was busy.
- Your friends won’t return any favor. Ever.
- You listen to people’s problems but there is nobody to listen to yours.
- Your efforts don’t get even a simple thanks.
- No matter how much you contribute people always want you to do more. Extra pay? Some appreciation? You are funny, really!
- You feel not cared enough for, not loved enough, ignored, neglected.
- People assume you will always be there and each time you are not is taken as a personal offense.
- You notice that people forget to tell you things that matter.
- People don’t care what you do unless they need you to do something for them.
You said YES to more than 3 points in the list? That’s a warning sign. Maybe you should think about making yourself noticed and listened to.
What you can do about being taken for granted?
- Do not panic and do not make assumptions
It might all have a very logical explanation. If you freak out and get mad for no reason it will make things only worse.
- Talk about it
Don’t hold it in. But don’t sound accusing or blaming. Just talk. The relationships begin to die when we stop talking about things that matter.
- Stop being nice all the time
You are human. You have emotions. You can get mad, you can be sad, you can be upset. If people know how you feel they won’t take it for granted.
- Learn to say ‘no’
As hard as it seems it is still possible. Give it a try. Start with smaller things. People will take you for granted only as long as you let them. Saying ‘no’ is the first step on the road of not letting them do it.
- Do not compromise with your self-respect
Ever. You are better than this.
- Question your motives
Don’t expect praise and appreciation. You do things for yourself because you like helping people out, not because you want them to help you later. Or don’t you?
- Treat people as you want to be treated
Old cliché, maybe, but it does work. Before blaming someone for taking you for granted, see if you do it the same way.
- Stand your ground and draw boundaries
You are a good person. You are a good friend. You know that. They know that. Now it’s time to be strong for yourself.
When you say ‘no’ to someone the world won’t turn upside down. It will be at the exact same place. You should realize that whatever is meant to happen will happen. Good or bad.
You can’t run around giving people second and third chances. You can’t let them take advantage of you. You can’t be there for them always even when they let you down all the time.
Relationships are always worth fighting for but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. Sometimes, people need to fight for you.
Here are a few books on the subject that you might find helpful.
1. The Seven Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make by Carolyn N. Bushong
2. When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith
5. Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes by Duke Robinson