Escape: 55 Fiction

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21 August 2009 by Lena Toporikova

36 Comments

Watching the city of her childhood dreams disappear from sight as the bus speeded towards the Unknown Amy realized that she did not belong to that place anymore.
The city had treated her as a stranger and she was running away now to never come back, effacing the painful memories and leaving her innocence behind.

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About 55 Fiction

A literary work will be considered 55 Fiction if it has:
Fifty-five words or less (A non-negotiable rule)
A setting,
One or more characters,
Some conflict, and
A resolution. (Not limited to moral of the story)
*Source Wikipedia

Lena Toporikova
The owner, writer and editor of Colors of My Soul. I love that small island of creativity in the large ocean of Internet. And I truly believe we can touch another soul with rightly chosen words.

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http://mywhitewindow.blogspot.com/ Preetilata

Well well i knw u knw dat i liked it so much. so very perfecto 55f.

i wanna knw how many understands wat hppnd actually or i wud say i wanna knw diff perspective of diff readers. [:D]

keep writting sweetheart. muahhhhhhhhhh

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

I hope people will give themselves time to think about what actually had happened. Let’s see

http://lakeofmydreams.blogspot.com/ Sourish

wow…so much in just 55 words

loved it …

btw read mine ???

*raised eyebrows*

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

I am glad you liked it
I read yours, was kinda sad, but really a good try

http://harinip.blogspot.com/ harini

WONDERFUL!!! i loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kind of feel that way sometimes.. It also reminded me of the hindi movie life in a metro

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

I guess sometimes we all want to run away, just the reasons are different.

mannu

nice way to say something… u cant explain.
good.

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

I can explain, you cant

http://inmylineofsight.blogspot.com Amal Bose

beautifully expressed..
keep up the good work

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

I am glad you liked it
will surely keep writing!

ruxeen

wowwwww!!! no words to express…loved it & love U.

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

thanks, Xeenu, dear
It is great to see you here

http://indrsforever.blogspot.com Indrajit

gr8 one as usual…

I wish i cud wirte ..:)

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

Thank you
but, you can write, then what you wish for? start writing!!

sawan

i know how Amy feels! its luvly write up dearie

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

Thank you.. but with was Amy has gone through, I am not that sure you know how it feels.. Think deeper..

http://www.thoughtfulreflect.blogspot.com Jessica

That was great! Really well written!

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

thank you, Jessica!

http://thoselittlethingsthatislife.blogspot.com pisku

Not one of ur best ones I must say.

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

Ummm… i appreciate critisism too, but anything in particular you didnt like here?

http://srisureshca,blogspot.com Suresh Kumar

Nice One….. U have captured the essence in those simple 55 words…

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

Thank you…
maybe it is deeper than you think, at least I wanted the readers to dig deeper here.

http://www.anindianfiction.blogspot.com Kulpreet

Hi Lena!

I would give the fiction seven out of ten. Let me share what I think:

1. There are just two sentences in it. The first one is a shade difficult to follow by the reader. That takes the shine off the wonderful emotion of the second.

2. What can be done? Well, I feel the first one can be broken into two or more parts. Make the first one very simple to follow. Because the reader is just preparing. He may not have the same commitment or enthusiasm as the one who is writing. He has to be slowly tricked in (wrong choice of expression, but solely to convey the essence).

I thought I should share my candid feelings. I think, there are two reasons why we all write: One, for ourselves. Two, for the reader. Most just keep trying to impress themselves. That is where the problem lies; unless, of course, we like it to be that way.

Sorry, if it sounds boring.

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

Hi Kulpreet!
I appreciate your feedback and an honest opinion on this piece. Would say though that 7 out of 10 is not that bad. But I wouldnt agree with you on those points. First, I wouldnt say that the first sentence is too complicated to follow. And I am not saying it because I have written it. In fact I believe that the flow of the first sentence helps the reader to understand the pain the heroine is experiencing leaving the place where she was once happy and comfortable for something she hardly knows.

I believe it won’t shade the emotions of the second sentence but rather make the reader wonder what happened and why she is leaving the town. If I break it in 2 or 3 small sentences it will add some intensity to the piece and I dont want the intensity here, I waте some slow action, the feeling that things are done, decisions are made and there is no place to come back to. To combine it all in one sentence has a special meaning for me, should have for readers too… It is like watching the same scene with Amy, going with her through the pain of leaving the city where you spent all your life till the moment and wondering why she has to do that.

And the second sentence is explaining or is supposed to explain if we dont just read but read and think about the true reasons of her running away. What had happened there can be read between the lines. I am saying that not because I am the author but because there are actually people who found that reason. And it tells me that the aim is achieved and I conveyed the pain of this young girl.

Of course it is tough to show it all in just 55 words, and I am only learning and trying to, but I also want people not just skip through the words but actually think.

Maybe I could have done it differently, but that is how I felt it should be done and I think if we concentrate on what the reader wants all the time, we might lose some important feelings and emotions which we want to convey. To make things simpler for the reader we will take away their right to think upon that piece of our writing.

That’s what I feel.

http://charlesgramlich.blogspot.com Charles Gramlich

A lot of great books begin with dramatic changes like this. Well done.

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

I wish I could once write a great book starting something like that.. Thank you

http://visheshunni.wordpress.com vishesh

poignant..some reality in there?

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

thanks.. no, it is only my imagination..

http://2short2sweet.blogspot.com AD

i always wanna run away and it has always got to do with teh absurdity of people and their behaviour.
i hate being a social target and that is when i always say ‘dear God, I wanna die if I cant run away!’

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

I, unlike Amy, prefer to face things and fight them back. I know at times it might be way too tough, but at least this way i will not to have live in regrets. You cant be constantly running away. Sometimes you just hit the point when you got to fight stupidity, circumstances, people back.

http://flashfiction.in Aniket Thakkar

I too had the similar observation as Kulpreet over the first line.
But having read your POV I agree with you that sometimes simplicity is the key to express the emotions. I piece should first satisfy us, then and only then can we get any gratification upon getting a good feedback.

I hate the fact these days that I unknowlingly make checks on skill, structure, pacing, etc while reading. I miss the good old days of just enjoying a story. Trying to become a better writer takes something out of a reader. *sigh*

I liked the piece though. Sometimes leaving can be the easy way out. A couple of years back I too left a city to just run away from issues I was not ready to face. I don’t regret the decision too.

Am sure Amy will find her way to a better place.

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

I believe we should find balance between what is good for us and what is good for the reader, but to write just to satisfy the reader, is a strict no here. What’s the point?
As for running away, I believe at some point you got to face your own fears in order to be happy.

http://flashfiction.in Aniket Thakkar

I know… its a vicious circle.

I moved back to the same city 3 days ago. Now to face the fears. But am not the person I was 2 yrs ago… so in my battle stance I shout… bring it on!

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

I believe that is an absolutely different thing when you come back to face your fears and fight your battle.

http://myonlyphoto.blogspot.com Anna

Neat concept Lena. Great read!!! Anna

http://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/ The Colors Magazine

I am glad you liked it, Anna

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